


Smoke and Mirrors

by morkzone



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drugs, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst, M/M, Prostitution, Romance, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-18 23:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14861954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morkzone/pseuds/morkzone
Summary: I can still hear his smooth, velvety voice in my ear, whispering how much he missed the beach and how badly he wanted to feel the salty water lapping his skin.His hair's covering half of his face as he smiled beguilingly at me.His eyes were mischievous.His slightly crooked nose's scrunched up like he knew something I did not.He's trouble. I knew he was.But I was still held captive by his charm.When he asked me, "Do you sometimes wish to drown and be consumed by something so beautiful?"I felt it.The bone-deep chilling realization that Mark Tuan’s my beautiful thing.And I desperately wanted to drown in him.





	1. One: The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I'm back.
> 
> I know. I'm here again. I don't even know what I'm doing half of the time. lol
> 
> Some heads up: This story will be heavier than the first one I have written. There will be mention of sex, prostitution, smoking and drugs. Also, there will be thoughts of suicide and non-consensual sex.
> 
> I don't want to put warnings in this because I believe it'll spoil the whole thing but I will put trigger warnings every chapter to not punch you guys square in the face. At least not too much.
> 
> That is all. Please read at your own risk.
> 
> And don't hate me.

**J A E B U M**

If Jaebum will be completely honest, he would probably just say he wants to drive his ass back home, take a quick cold shower, crawl towards his bed and get a good night sleep. His nerve frayed body is too heavy for this sweat-hazed atmosphere and ear splitting EDM playing in the background. Even the free beer on his hand isn't helping change his temper or at least his mood. There is something about the night that is just making him sour.

To be fair, he tries to enjoy the night and be free from the inhibitions clouding his usual easygoing personality. He even tried socializing a while ago, throwing flirtatious remarks and quick gazes at the girls flocking around him.

But no matter how hard he tries, he's just too tired (yet still too stubborn to admit) to enjoy the party.

He isn't usually like this. Before his band broke up a few weeks back, he could party all night without feeling any strain on his body. And even the amount of alcohol he takes doesn't faze him in the slightest. Yet now, in this party that their central student council put up for charity, Jaebum doesn't understand why he cannot get into the mood, let go and just have fun.  
It's ironic since he's used to the noise, unlimited amount of alcohol and smell of smoke.

It's not as if the crowd isn't what he expected either. Most of the people in the party are from his University; their faces are familiar as some of them are his classmates and coursemates. The music is the usual upbeat electro-pop that lets people around him dance and grind with each other—but mostly grind since they are all drunk. But who is he to judge? It's not the people's fault they are all turnt tonight as the drinks from the bar are all free and flowing nonstop. The party is raving. It's fun.

But he's not having any of it.

Jaebum takes a swig from the bottle of beer he's been nursing for half an hour and grimaces when he realizes that it's no longer cold. Oh, how he hates the taste of warm beer and how it leaves a mark on the tongue; that bitter musty taste his palette can't seem to accept. He's second guessing now why he even accepted the bottle from Jackson a while ago, when he wasn't even thinking of staying longer. Add to the fact that he has to drive himself home tonight since his driver took his day off.

 _Maybe, it is better to just crash at a nearby hotel and sleep there_ , he thinks to himself as he looks at the bar, contemplating if he should get himself something stronger than the one on his hand.

When Yoo Youngjae, his best friend and president of the central student council told him about this party, he wasn't really interested in going. He's dead tired and sleep deprived, but the pleading look on his friends' faces is just too much to resist.

He'll rather die in the most morbid ways possible before he admits he misses them, but in truth, he really does. He's been too engrossed and caught up with his own life that he didn't have a lot of chance to hang out with his friends anymore. He figured this might be a good time to catch up with them. It is just so funny and quite ironic that the said best friends ditched him as soon as they arrived in the area.

 _And there goes spending time together because we're a solid unit,_ he thinks wistfully, still hearing his youngest friend, Yugyeom's voice, making nonsensical dramatics earlier, as Jaebum looks around the dancefloor, trying to find at least one of his idiotic friends.

A tinkering sound of laughter catches his attention though, making him forget his disdain over the bottle of liquor in his hand and his MIA friends.

The laughter is coming from the point on his right, just at the edge of the dance floor, opposite the bar, where a cluster of people are dancing by themselves. Its melody is so hypnotizing, sultry and thick as honey. He wonders silently how a person can make laughter sound so alluring as that.

Curious as to whom it might be coming from, he gazes over that spot whilst walking to get a better view. A figure, where he guessed the sound is from, is currently obscured by a few girls and boys dancing, only leaving the top of a head for Jaebum to see. He might be wrong but he can see a hint of red and he's not sure if he likes the idea of that.

 _A redhead, interesting_.

As if on cue, one of the people dancing in front of the figure moves away, giving him a better view of the person who caught his attention. Jaebum’s feet suddenly stop in its tracks, as his breath hitches in complete awe and a little bit of confusion. He cannot believe what he's seeing.

The beautiful boy who's standing just a few feet away from him catches his attention steadfastly, the air he exudes and the way he handles himself something he wasn’t prepared for. He looks independent, too carefree and too confident that he seems out of reach.

Jaebum carefully studies his oval face; admiring the prominent nose and pink colored plumped lips that are sending thrilling sensations to his body. His beautiful face is fanned by a slightly wavy, red-dyed hair which compliments his style that is dressed in an over-sized leather jacket, ripped jeans and Doc Martens boots. The rugged ensemble accentuates his lithe and graceful figure that dances along to the beat playing in the background. His long arms are holding on to the girl beside him, dancing and laughing as if no problem can faze him. Jaebum feels his body light up from slumber, awakening as he places his bottle on the table nearby and continues to stare at him.

It's not often that he finds a person that really catches his full attention—a _guy_ at that, especially one like this, where the intense and deep desire is irresistible to ignore. Jaebum isn’t really new to being attracted to guys, as he was never abhorred to the idea long before he stepped out of high school. He doesn’t actually want to label himself anything but just a person attracted to beautiful things… and in this case, a person.

Probably feeling the heavy gaze Jaebum has for him, the red haired boy glances over Jaebum’s way and stares back at him, a smirk blooming on his alluring mouth, as the lights dance in his eyes, making him look ethereal.

Surprisingly, instead of shyly looking away and wait for Jaebum to approach him, the boy brazenly bites his lower lip and runs his hand through his hair, making the gesture explicit and provocative. He lets go of his dance partner and dances on his own, gyrating his small frame in the air, eyes closed. Jaebum is put into a trance as the boy made sure Jaebum keeps his eyes on him while he moves to the beat.

He pivots and turns his back at him, swaying his slender hips to every bass drop, creating waves to Jaebum body that is borderline unbearable. The red haired boy is making this night interesting for him and all he can do is enjoy the view he’s showing him.

His pulse increased when the other boy brings back his intense gaze at him, holding it long and hard as if he’s inviting Jaebum to dance with him. Jaebum must admit that this boy is making him feel something surprisingly different.

 _He’s so different_.

His gaze doesn't break from Jaebum’s as he suddenly stops moving. A pregnant pause weighed between them, both visibly catching their breaths from the tension, as he waits for the other boy to do something.

Smirk coming back from his mouth, the boy pulls the girl he was dancing with a while ago and whispers something in her ear. A few beats passed and both of them are now looking at him, their eyes glinting mischievously. He suddenly feels conscious, cheeks growing warm from the sudden realization that they might think he's a creep.

But that thought is suddenly interrupted when he sees the other boy striding towards him, movements as graceful as his whole aura. But just when he thought he’ll stop in front of him, strike a conversation and maybe flirt a little bit, the boy continued to waltz past him.

Jaebum was floored, baffled and surprised.

 _That was different and a tad bit unusual_. At least in his opinion. _Who in the world does that anyway? The boy made the effort to hook, bait and sinker, so why not grab the fish when it's already willing to be caught in his games?_

"You want to leave this place with me?" someone whispers at the point behind him, warm breath ghosting his skin, making the hair at the back of his neck stand up. He's too caught up in his thoughts that he didn't realize the boy probably stepped behind him on purpose.

A thrilling sensation he thought left his body a few moments ago, goes back in full force.

He turns to face him, his dark slanted eyes meeting his soft brown ones, fanned with long lashes and brightness he guessed came from having too much to drink. At that moment, every complaints he has for the night fades away, already being replaced with the high wired tension he has for the boy standing beside him.

Oh, how he wants to crush his lips on those pink lips and taste it if it is as sweet as it looks.

He gazes back in his eyes, holding it firm in its place as he says, " _Gladly_."

***

**M A R K**

If Mark will be completely honest, he would say the party he was dragged into was boring, tacky and the music was too predictable for his liking. Fuck EDM, he’d rather get down over something more edgy, more meaningful. If it wasn't for the free booze and Nikki’s nagging, he wouldn't even show up in the first place.

He hated the high end atmosphere that was splashed all over the venue and the unnecessary display of wealth. He couldn’t help but scoff at how the people around him seem to be all from well off families, boasting their latest escapades and purchases in such fake modesty that made him roll his eyes till he actually felt dizzy.

He was thankful the vodka shots and pink pill he downed loosened his nerves instantly, which made the irritation he has for the people around him to turn like a white noise in his head.

 _Tolerable_.

He would call the party a complete waste of time, if it wasn't for the naked guy sleeping deeply at the bed a few feet away from the loveseat he’s sitting on. His head is now tucked in soft (probably expensive) pillows and Mark remembered how a few minutes ago, he was holding on to the same head, fingers tugging painfully at the soft strands while Jaebum’s going down on him, sucking him real good with that god-gifted mouth. He was expecting he'll go hard, handle him roughly and fast—the non-committal type, the way he liked it.

The way he’s used to.

But he was surprised by the sensations and feelings he's given. Mark doesn't even know how a guy like him—who looks like a classic bad boy and not exactly gay, full of ego and a tad snobbish—be sweet in bed.

Yet surprisingly he is.

He was too gentle with his ministrations, as Mark came undone over and over again. Jaebum’s deep voice was encouraging as he whispered Mark’s name like a prayer while worshiping his body that's riding on top of the former. His passionate kisses and the way his lips burned Mark’s skin with every touch, might have been ingrained in his memory by how beautiful he felt from it.

It is quite funny, that just a few hours ago, he didn't know he’s capable of coming too much in just one night—and these are not the usual relief his body's used to, but the nerve shattering and bone deep orgasm... or _orgasms_ if he will be technical.

Mark is proven to be capable of so many things, at least for tonight.

He didn't expect Jaebum to be thoughtful and give him control of everything. He surprisingly did not mind and did not ask too many questions when Mark adamantly stayed on top of the other boy, riding Jaebum’s length like his life depended on it—like he’s dominating the latter. Although Mark knows it wasn't entirely true because Jaebum is too manly to be maneuvered to something he doesn't like or need: all male, sharp, rugged and unbelievably sexy. Nothing in him can be considered soft and submissive. From his deep gazing eyes with adorable twin moles perfectly placed on his left eyelid and chiseled cheekbones to his elegant nose and perfect jawline, all Mark can see is a stinking male who truly believes in himself. He knew that even when he's literally under Mark, he's still the one in command and the latter doesn't know why it turns him on when normally it wouldn't before.

It was all too new and unfamiliar for Mark, and he feels his skin prickle in fear. He doesn't want how dangerously wild his mind is overanalyzing this situation, when it was just a casual hook up, nothing out of the ordinary.

 _Except you had an extraordinary sex_ , the other voice in his head argues.

He silences his thoughts with a swish from his shoelaces, its tight knots probably cutting the blood circulation from his ankle to his feet but he ignores his discomfort and makes his movements as quiet as possible, padding his way towards the door while avoiding waking the sleeping boy. The least he wants to do now is to wake him up and be in the middle of an awkward exit. It will be best to leave on a good note with him.

He’s used to leaving first anyway—never staying.

A soft click from the huge double doors disrupted the quietness of the night, ending his night with Jaebum definitely. Mark lets out a breath he then realized he’s been holding and continues to walk towards the elevators at the end of the hall, lowkey reveling at the beautiful interior of the 5-star hotel nearby the party's area.

Glass windows lining up the hallway on his right, reveal the city line of Seoul, night lights twinkling and blinking at him mockingly while he pretends to be someone he’s not.

He wasn't really surprised when Jaebum decides to bring him here. Seeing how he looks and carries himself, he is obviously someone who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth, worrying about nothing at all.

Totally opposite of Mark.

He's so used to going inside well-known hotels. It is so obvious because he wasn't fazed when the attention of everyone turned to him, fussing bellboys and receptionists holding onto his every word like devout.

On the other hand, Mark felt his skin prickled at the amount of eyes lingering at him (or it can be his imagination giving him something to worry about) probably wondering why he’s with Jaebum when he’s totally out of his league.

Comparing their clothes and appearances, it really is questionable why Jaebum agreed to take him tonight. He fidgeted on his thrift shop, slightly beat up leather jacket while he stared at his company’s tall frame, clad with a signature hoodie, equally expensive ripped jeans and limited edition shoes. He fiddled with his fingernails as he waited for the other boy to check them in. The effects of his bravado started to dissipate then and was replaced with anxiety.

What was he thinking asking him out? This wasn't Mark’s scene. Asking Jaebum was an impulsive move clearly made under the influence of alcohol and _more_.

The memories of his past self is about to peek out from its hiding place and spiral down into self loathing when Mark tamps it down, shoving it at the very back of his mind, leaving it there to be forgotten until he can't really remember it anymore.

The thing about trying to forget about something though, is that you will be reminded of something else just to fill the void you erased. And in this case, Mark’s mind is suddenly flooded with his financial situation; his school and daily expenses that are enough to bring him a headache.

His school fees are in dire need to be settled before the end of the month since it has been weeks past its due, and his University has already been cornering him to pay his balances. They resorted to holding his exam permits, prohibiting him to take any midterm examinations. He’s just thankful his professors are kind enough to let him take the exams, in the condition that he pays for his balances or they wouldn't encode his grades at the end of the term.

Mark sighs as he mentally lists out ways to get it paid asap. His part time job at the record store wouldn't be enough anymore. It is too little. In as much as his boss is a great person to even let him take the job when clearly there wasn't any need, it is still really... just... too little. _Unlike_ —

 _No. No. Mark. Don't go there. Don't_. he tells himself, trying to see reason in the midst of desperation.

The blast of chilly March air welcomes him after he steps out of the hotel, the sound of Seoul at night a soft hum to his ears. He immediately reaches for his cigarettes at his back pocket, lighting a stick while he heads over the bus stop nearby. Smoke instantly enveloping his body and comforting his weary mind as he breathes in the night. His thoughts of his finances were interrupted when he feels his phone vibrates in his pocket.

Mark answers it quickly, knowing who it is without even looking at the screen.

"What? I'm still alive."

" _I know you will be. Jaebum is a good guy_ ," his friend, Nikki, immediately replies, earning a chuckle from Mark.

"How'd you know? You hooked up with him before?"

" _Eww! Not everyone hooks up, you know? And I'm a virgin, you ass_ ," Nikki answers, voice screeching from her sudden outburst. Mark can't help but smile at how easy it is for him to pull Nikki's leg, but his smile fades quickly. "... _and besides, he's Jackson’s friend. He's off limits_."

"Wh—He's Jackson’s friend?" Mark asks, eyes widening at the realization. He is instantly reminded of Nikki's boyfriend and got a bit weirded out that Jackson is friends with Jaebum. They are polar opposites, if he’ll be too blunt.

While Jaebum is too edgy and manly, Jackson is the poster boy for that guy you want to bring home to your mother and she will quickly plan your wedding better than a shotgun. He's that good-natured looking; like a puppy. And even though Mark tried to hate on him before when he was first introduced by his best friend, he eventually warmed up to the guy. He gave up being a pain in the ass for Jackson Wang, after he saw that he's sincerely and disgustingly smitten on his best friend, Nikki.

" _Yes he is. I told you earlier. Seems like you weren't listening to me. You're eye fucking Jaebum already_."

Mark scoffs. "I was not!"

" _Ass, you were totally eye fucking him. Stop lying_."

"You're so crass for someone who haven't even hooked up before."

" _It doesn't mean I don't know eye fucking when I see it. I have eyes."_

 _"_ Wow! Good to know,” he replies wryly, blowing another smoke in the air.

" _You're just in denial. Don't lie to me, Markie. I know you._ "

"Shut up."

" _Ass! Anyway, where are you? I'm going to pick you up. I'm about to leave the party_."

Mark’s mouth that is about to fire into a tirade involuntarily pulls into a smile. His best friend is always such a mother hen.

He doesn't even know what Nikki sees in him and why the latter puts up with his sarcasm and snarky nature. In this city, he found a person he could call a real friend, not bothered that he’s gay or that he has emotional baggage heavier than a ton. Nikki loves him for who he is and never judged him for his bad decisions.

"Where's Jackson? You're gonna leave your boyfriend at the party?" A fake gasp escapes Mark’s lips then, as he asks, "You aren't scared he'll hook up with someone who's willing to put it out?"

His friend just chuckles on the other line, already used to his prodding and teasing.

" _He's not that stupid. He knows I'll throw the damn fit if he cheats on me_."

"Hmmmn, feisty! I guess he knows you're really worth the wait. You'll tire him in bed with your animalistic prowess."

"’ _Tang ina nito! Will you stop?_ " His friend yells on the other line, her Filipino curses coloring Mark’s ears that made him involuntarily smile. There's a certain tingle he feels inside when he hears his friend curse in her mother tongue.

"What? I'm just saying."

" _Whatevs. I don't need to hear my sexual prowess from you right now. What I need to know is where you are, so I can drive you home. Come on, I'm about to drive past the parking lot._ "

"I'm good, Niks. I'll just take the bus."

" _The bus? There are no buses at this time and it won't be safe to go home via commute, Mark_ ," he can hear the genuine concern from his friend's voice but Mark doesn't want Nikki to drive towards his place to drop him off and come back to her house in Gangnam, it'll be too much work.

He chuckles and pulls another drag from his cigarette before answering.

"Bitch, you're the one using your phone while driving. You're the one who should be careful. And don't worry about me. I will be fine. I'll text you when I get home."

" _Pfft! Bullshit! You always say that but you don't even text me back!_ " the girl on the other line whines.

"I will this time. Promise," Mark says but knowing quite well that he won't. He easily forgets to text Nikki (or anyone at all) as he’s not really keen on doing it. He rather talk in person or not at all, the mode of texting has been too mundane for him to do.

" _Whatever, ass. You always say that too but you always seem to forget. Ugh! Anyway, are you really, really, really sure you don’t need a ride home? I feel bad for leaving you behind like this_.”

"Nikki, I'm not a kid. I got this. Thanks for the offer, anyway," he replies, mentally calculating the taxi fare he has to take and internally crying because he's sure it'll cost him a leg.

" _Hmmm... all right. Just take care okay? See you soon?_ "

"Yeah, kid. See you."

" _Yay! See you in two weeks! Love you! Bye!_ "

And with that Mark ends the call and flicks his cigarette butt towards the trash bin nearby, staring at its dying embers as he slumps at the bus stop. He feels his body shake from the chills slicing his body in every gust of wind that attacks him from all directions. It seems like his leather jacket doesn't help much in protecting him from the cold. He should have worn something warmer or...

A vivid picture of Jaebum lying peacefully on the bed suddenly flashes on his mind, making him wish he was still beside the other boy, feeling his body heat and warmth for a change. It surprised him for a bit, the thought of almost domesticity he didn't know he’s craving.

After a short while of debating, Mark lets himself go and think of him, silently lying to himself that he will forget about it soon anyway, like the previous hooks ups he had.

He will forget about Jaebum’s deep gazes from his dark slanted eyes and skillful hands. Mark won't remember his deep voice and his body coming undone while he rides him. Yes, he will forget it. Everything about him.

He tries to light another cigarette in the hopes of warming up, hands shaking in the process, when a smiling face of Jaebum pops into his mind this time.

And that did it.

Mark puts his hands down his lap, together with his cig and lighter, as he sighs deep into the night.

_Oh yeah, Mark Tuan? Good luck with that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FILIPINO 101
> 
> KNOW YOUR CURSES:  
> ’Tang ina or Putang ina is a curse word in the Philippines, equivalent to Son of a Bitch. The word “nito” literal translation is this. So, basically what Nikki said is “THIS SON OF A BITCH” or can also be translated in the context of YOU SON OF A BITCH.
> 
> End of session.


	2. Two: The Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mention of taking drugs

**J A E B U M**

A week after meeting the mysterious boy named Mark, Jaebum has been directed back to his studies, mind swimming with photoshoots and video editing projects that he no longer has time to think of anything else all day. He's too caught up with academics that he has decided to try and put the beautiful boy with red hair at the very back of his mind (Note on the word "try").

But of course, as much as he tries not to, there were times when he would still think of him.

Jaebum isn't new to one night stands. Before Mark, there has already been a stream of people coming in and out of his routine, the no strings attach dangling in his head like an oath. Some memories, luckily lingers a bit longer than the others, especially if the person seemed to be really good in bed.

But his particular night with Mark, as odd as it may seem, sticks to his head like a fucking permanent glue, latching on his consciousness in all sense of the word. It wasn't just a fleeting memory but a vivid one. It creeps back in when he's seeing something red, smells something similar to his faint strawberry breath or when he's lying down at night; staring at his empty ceiling before going to sleep, hoping a certain warm body is beside him.

Jaebum remembers how Mark's eyes seemed to always show mirth even when he’s no longer smiling, how his body felt close to his, all warm and pliant, his face a work of art as it unraveled over and over again. Every time he thinks about the other boy, his body will instantly react, as if it's on fire. He wants to be beside that lithe and graceful body once again, even if that same body created a dent on his once peaceful mind.

Jaebum doesn't understand the unfamiliar feelings he inflicted on him. He isn't usually like this, his days aren't usually littered with thoughts of one particular boy with red hair and quiet smiles.

He shakes his head quickly to erase the memory that's been plaguing him for days and tried to focus on his project laid out in front of him. The stark contrast of his messy scribbles on the white paper seems ominous and he groans.

**_PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBIT_ **  
**_CONCEPT/THEME:_ **

He's fucked. It's still blank. He still doesn't have a concept to work on for his photography exhibit and his draft is overdue. His professor, an eccentric woman in her 50s with kind and youthful eyes, keeps on pestering him to start something soon or she'll flunk him even though he's her favorite student.

Yeah, right. As if he needs the added pressure.

Jaebum just lets out a deep sigh to calm his mind. He still hasn't thought of at least a simple subject to work on and here he is floating over the images of a boy he once met and maybe never again. He needs to get a grip of himself or else he'll mess everything up.

"You look constipated," someone suddenly says, interrupting his thoughts.

He looks up and sees his friend, Jackson, smiling at him brightly, all white teeth showing like pearls.

He feigns to be annoyed when the genuine smile given to him by the other boy turned to a knowing smirk.

"Wait, are you thinking about _him_ again?"

"No,” Jaebum grits out.

"Hmm? You look like you're thinking about him," Jackson pushes, eyebrows wiggling up and down. "Oh, man. You're so whipped! Who would know I'd see the day you'll be head over heels for a boy?”

"Shut up, I'm not head over heels for him!" Jaebum whines, mentally cringing at how guilty he sounded at that. "Just fuck off, man," he snaps, hiding his embarrassment over irritation and sarcasm.

His friend just laughs at him, knowing full well what's he's up to. "You look cute when you get riled up like that, _Jaebummie_.”

"I said shut up," Jaebum says, earning chuckle from the other. "Why don't you just choke on your own spit?"

"Why don't you grow some balls and call him then? Scared he’ll see through you and dump you?" Jackson exaggeratedly pauses, hand covering his lips as if he said something momentous. "Oops, wait. You can't call him because you didn't have his number, since he left you alone right after you passed out, right? Way to go, man!"

That, as much as Jaebum hates to admit, struck a nerve, point being well made. And he hates how the truth sounds at Jackson’s lips. He growls at his friend, standing up in an attempt to put him in a headlock, which the latter dodges easily. "Easy!"

"I’m going to kill you someday. Why are you here anyway? Don't you have class?"

"Ooooh, changing the subject. Real smooth there, Jaebum. I see you," Jackson replies easily, sitting in front of Jaebum, angering the latter’s abused ego even more. Jaebum resorts to rolling his eyes instead; there's no use in fighting his best friend at this point. "To answer your question, Grumpy, there’s a College of Dentistry Faculty Meeting," the other boy continues to say, letting the words become sufficient enough as explanation why he's bothering him at this time. 

Jaebum sighs deeply, putting random themes on his notes, hoping an idea will come up to him later, pointedly ignoring Jackson.

"What are you doing?" the other boy asks, now feeling bored that the attention’s no longer at him. He peeks at the sheet of paper where a few nonsensical ideas are being filled up by Jaebum, snickering when he sees the obvious directionless theme his friend’s going.

"I’m using my brain," Jaebum snipes, giving his friend the side eye. "You wouldn't know, you don't have it."

Jackson dramatically holds his chest in feign offense, scoffing at the jab being thrown his way. "Excuse me, but my brain is highly functional and perfectly able to work well in normal circumstances."

"Normal my ass. You put too much attention on your face so you could look pretty, I don't even understand why girls date you."

"Well, you lost me when you said I'm pretty..."

Jaebum just rolls his eyes in exasperation. "Idiot."

Jackson laughs again letting the easy banters die down before he aim for the kill. Jaebum knows this, he grew up with this. The silence after the teasing which Jackson usually lets up when he wants to fish information from his friends. Hearing the said person clears his throat, Jaebum prepares for the blow.

_In 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1_.

As if on cue, Jackson starts to speak, "But seriously, man. Were you really thinking of him? That boy you met at the party last week?"

Feeling his cheeks turn red from embarrassment, Jaebum just stayed silent and pretends to write something on his now doodle-filled notebook. He's halfway completing Pikachu’s face when Jackson speaks again.

"You can at least tell me his name, you know? I can ask around about him if you like, so... you could stop moping like that. It's depressing to see. It's been a week," Jackson suggests, sincerity leaking in his voice.

But Jaebum just glares at him and continues to scribble senseless things into his notes. 

He regrets it now, why he relented and told Jackson about Mark. There really wasn't anything good coming out of telling his friend about it. Jackson has a tendency to be a blabbermouth and he teases mercilessly. It is pure torture to even tell him a simple information, let alone a meeting like what he and Mark had. He should have told this to Hyunwoo or Youngjae, both boys being more logical than this ball of energy in front of him. But a week of sleepless nights and silence with only the faint memories of strawberries and body heat can make a man confide his inner thoughts to his closest friend like that. Even if the said friend is Jackson Wang.

He doesn't know why he even tries to hide it, now that the truth is out in the open anyway.

Maybe it embarrasses him, not the fact that he's deeply attracted to the guy but the idea that people see him pining for a boy he hooked up with once. It's not like he's in love with Mark, _hell no_. He's just extremely curious about him. He wants to know him, be his friend or something along those lines. It is kind of funny, that he wants to be friends with Mark after they slept together. If this happened in a normal setting, shouldn't it be the other way around?

But, it wasn't his fault he met the other boy at such unusual circumstances, meeting Mark at the party was beyond his control. Yet the desire to know the other boy more around these circumstances though—that is on him.

One night stands are called one night for a reason.

"Honey!" He hears Jackson calls out in front of him, cringing at the way his voice suddenly becomes cheesy and dreamy. He is about to give a snide remark about it when a girl's voice spoke behind him.

"Hey, baby! Sorry I met with Soojung for a while. I asked about our clinical procedure we will do this weekend. Have you been here long?" The question obviously directed towards Jackson. 

He knew his friend got himself a girlfriend a few months back. A girl in his Orthodontics class, cute with cat-like features, he once said, all the while pestering Jaebum to meet her so she can be fully acquainted with all of the people close to Jackson. But because of Jaebum's busy schedule with his band (before they called it quits) and classes, he didn't get a chance to meet the infamous girl that caught Jackson Wang’s wandering eyes.

Until now.

The girl, now standing in front of him, smiles brightly at him like what Jackson did before, eye wrinkles making her look unbelievably adorable and mischievous. She's wearing the same sterile looking white uniform as her boyfriend, who's now standing beside her.

"Oh! Hi, Jaebum! I'm Nikki Mosqueda. Nice to finally meet you," she says, bowing politely whilst extending her right hand towards him, smile still intact on her lips. Jaebum freezes on his seat, totally unmoving while he stares back at the girl in front of him, hands halfway into reaching hers. He cannot seem to shake off the feeling that he knows her. Well he does, she's his friend's girlfriend but he must have met her someplace else. For a few seconds that passed, all he did is squint his eyes, waiting for recognition to dawn at his mind. But the memory is fleeting and he can't seem to grasp it.

It makes him so frustrated.

" _You_..." he whispers, index finger pointing at her smiling face.

"Hey, Im Jaebum, I know my girlfriend's pretty but snap out of it. You look stupid." He hears Jackson mumbles nervously, even using his last name, but he ignores him.

"Have we met before?" Jaebum hurriedly asks, cringing mentally when he hears himself ask the lame pick up line, except this time, he really meant it as a serious simple question. He hears Jackson’s hooting laughter beside him, teasing still.

"Are you fucking hitting on my girlfriend, you insufferable flirt? And here I am thinking you're hung up to some guy," Jackson teases whilst hitting his friend a bit roughly on his shoulder, a hint of heat on his voice.

Jaebum would have punched his friend in the face if he doesn't have a more important matter at hand.  
The girl, Nikki, finally giggles and nods her head with a knowing smile, the hand she extended for him to shake is now wrapped around Jackson’s arm that he used to hit Jaebum. His idiotic friend that was laughing like a hyena a few moments ago has now stopped, his expression replaced with one close to confusion as he looks at the two of them. He could have returned the hooting laughter at Jackson if he isn't too confused at the situation himself.

"What?" his friend asks incredulously at Nikki, eyes wide as saucers. "You hooked up with him before?"

"No, dummy! Why is everyone asking me if I hooked up with Jaebum? Even _Mark_ asked me that after they spent the night together,” is all she said and it comes back like a puzzle in Jaebum's head, clicking and staying in place like it's supposed to. 

The girl dancing beside Mark, a few inches shorter--okay she's more than a few inches shorter, with eyes glinting mischievously while they both look at him a few feet away; that girl is Nikki... Jackson's girlfriend.

Jackson's eyes, if possible bulge out of its sockets as he glances back at Jaebum.

"Mark? Mark knows Jaebu—" a sudden realization flashes in his eyes and he points his finger at Jaebum. "Holy shit! So, the boy you were telling me about... was that Mark?"

Sighing, Jaebum just nods his head in exasperation, knowing full well that there is no escaping the truth now that it's out. He's regretting ratting out his thoughts with Jackson, it didn't do him any good at all. What the hell was he thinking? It is stupid.

"I'm surprised you picked that up quickly. I didn't know your level of intelligence is that intact,” he wryly tells his friend whilst avoiding Nikki’s eyes.

"Shut up, dude!"

"Uhm... You talked about Markie with Jackson?" Nikki suddenly asks, eyes bright and tone curious.

If Jaebum was exasperated with Jackson, he's feeling wary of Nikki.

What can he tell Mark's friend (which he officially met just a few seconds ago) that won't make him sound like a complete hopeless loser? Will knowing that Jaebum still thinks of Mark despite their hook up happening a week ago, a cool thing or a tad bit stalker in the making? No matter how much he looks at all the angles, he'll end up as a classic daft. Add to the fact that Jackson is here and he'll make things hard for him to keep in the down low, as he'll exaggerate everything... as he usually does.

And Jaebum wasn't far fetched on it, less than a second and Jackson has already been retelling everything to Nikki.

"Yes, Nikki! He told me about his night with Mark. He's hell bent on wanting to see him. Do you think they can meet up aga- _shit_! Fuck! That hurt!" Jackson yells, eyes tearing up from the pain inflicted on his shin which Jaebum deliberately kicked under the table. Jackson, unfortunately, earns another hit on his arm by Nikki.

"Jackson!"

"He kicked me!" he points out. "That will bruise."

"You sound like a baby. Stop whining." At this Nikki glances back at Jaebum apologetically. "Sorry. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked. Don't mind, Jackson. He's just using me to tease you."  


Jaebum gives her an easy smile back he hopes translates his sincerity. "I know. I'm used to him being a moron, don't worry."

"Yeah, he can be an idiot sometimes, no?" she asks, giggling. Jaebum nods fervently in agreement.

"Hey! I'm your boyfriend, you should be siding with me!” Jackson complains, pouting his lower lip which the girl flicks with her finger. "Ouch! What's that for?"

"You're so freaking cute, it just made me want to physically hurt you."

Jackson sulks in his seat then and browses on the menu, ignoring both Nikki and Jaebum who chuckle together at how childish the other guy is behaving.

An hour passed by and Jaebum probably felt closer to the short girl than he is with Jackson. Her cheeky attitude and sass made her a bit intimidating at first but realizing that they perfectly fit on teasing Jackson together, he immediately warmed up to her. He thinks Nikki feels the same. If what she immediately shoves into his palms when she and Jackson left for classes is any indication for it.

When the couple is no longer inside the cafe, Jaebum finally opens the folded paper on his hands, seeing the neat hand writing he didn't second guess was Nikki's.

_Jaebum-ah,_

_I don't usually poke into things I don't really have any business whatsoever, except Markie’s life. I'm his best friend so I'm personally putting it on my shoulders to carry the burden of letting the two of you meet again. ;)_

_If you want to see him, just come here:_ _Wanderlust Record Store, Itaewon-dong Yongsan-gu_

_He works there from 4-10PM, weekdays._

_PS, don't tell him you knew this from me._  
_PPS, it will take a lot of effort to talk to him when he’s sober so don't freak out._

_xoxo,_  
_Nikki_

Jaebum is in that state of debate, if he should laugh or be pissed. He has been wanting to ask, heck, he even stumbled a few times to subtly get an ounce of information about Mark. Yet, for all intents and purposes he just let it go. He doesn't want to take advantage of Nikki and he felt wrong asking about her friend when they just literally met that day. And for all he knows, maybe Mark doesn't even remember who he was. A bit of a jab to his ego but he's also a realist and doesn't put expectation where and when unwarranted.

He's also worried at how Nikki sees his interest for Mark. He won't deny that his attention (and body) is enraptured, but he's not pursuing anything close to romance as he thinks is how the short girl interprets this whole thing.

_This is Jackson's fault. He made me sound like a romantic idiot who's pining for someone_.

A long sigh escapes his lips again, soothing his frayed nerves a little bit. He knows he looks like a complete idiot right now holding the piece of paper in his hand like his life depends on it.

_Will he remember me? Will he think it's weird for me to meet with him again? Will it really be okay?_

He pictures Mark in the middle of a record store, clad in a simple tee and tattered pants, a pair of Converse on his feet as he shuffles up and about, his red hair an added eccentricity to the odd setting. Mark will turn around and glance at Jaebum, his almost expressionless face—except for his storytelling eyes, will stare back at the latter’s lenses.

And Jaebum doesn't know if it's out of sheer luck or desperation but when he thinks about it, he knows he's saved from everything.

***

**M A R K**

The ashes of Mark’s cigarette creates a halo of mess on the yellow carpeted floor and it hisses with a soft sizzle. It leaves a burn mark the size of a grain (together with the first ones he made) and he couldn't help himself but get fixated on the ashes scattered around it.

It reminds him of those snowflakes he used to chase when he was a little kid, those cute little jagged ice chips that glistened and twinkled when they fall from the sky.

It looked innocent.

Carefree.

Virtuous.

Pure.

Angelic.

_Something I’m not_. He thinks bitterly as he takes another drag off the lighted stick and blows the smoke to the frigid air.

As he inhales, the dank smell of sweat and sex waft through his nose and he almost gagged. It could no longer be masked by the smell of tobacco. It's so strong that it has already clung to the bed, the pillow, the room... _his body_.

He could still smell the faceless man, even when he's no longer beside him.

This is one of those days he chooses and lets himself become a different person; disentangling his real self to the one running on autopilot right now. This way his feelings of shame and disgust on the situation only becomes a mere thought at the back of his mind and not something to seriously think about.

Three years ago, Mark said he’ll leave this kind of job for good. He said he will start anew and make better choices—but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. And this is his desperation reeking out, making itself known as it parades in front of his sight.

_Why can’t my life be easy?_ A lone tear escapes his eye, rolling down his cheek, painting it with grief.

Mark rubs his wrist softly and tries to bring back any semblance of sensation on the skin that had been scratched raw from the rope tied to it minutes ago. The man he was assigned to tonight was rough... too rough, that the pain was almost unbearable, almost deadly and _familiar_.

If it wasn't for the money, he wouldn't even dare set foot back in this place. If it wasn't for his dreams of a new life, he wouldn't take one last try in making easy money. If you call being tied up and fucked raw easy money, then he has nothing to say about it.

_Speaking of money_...

He glances at the table across the bed and saw the wad of bills set on top of it. His sigh of relief is almost audible in the tiny motel room. He's thankful that even though the man from before was extremely rough, he compensates with his payment.

_I guess even assholes know the basic etiquette in fucking a whore_.

His muscles and bones protest as he stands up, stifling the whimper trying to escape his lips when he puts his clothes back on, not minding that he didn't shower and that he still smell like pungent sex. He puts back everything in its rightful place even though his body now feels foreign in his clothes. 

_Wash, rinse, hopefully I don't need to repeat_ , he thinks wistfully while chucking the money inside his bag, foregoing his habit of counting it before leaving, because all Mark wants to do right now is to run away and forget the fact that he went back here, at this filthy place again, to do this.

To defile his body like this.

Fortunately, the motel and his tiny room aren’t far from each other, so the walk Mark took wasn’t long and he was home long before he could break into a sweat.

The bustle of the city outside his small window was still high and loud, even though it's already late. He wants to drown out the noise, stay in silence until he could forget every bad thing in his life. Mark shuts his eyes in the hopes that the darkness will help ease his mind. However, all he could see now were the phantom of big hands, strong and forceful, gripping his arms down the cushions, nails biting Mark’s skin as he continued to _thrust, thrust, thrust_ painfully inside him.

Mark opens his eyes instantaneously, a tell tale of panic attack overcoming his frail body. It’s that pain that starts at the bottom of his feet, crawling and immobilizing his legs straight to the floor. The heavy breathing then starts to take over, suffocating his lungs with invisible hands. 

Mark wanting to escape the torture, crawls towards his dresser to get his stash of _snow_ , immediately and expertly laying it in two straight lines in his small bedside table, as he rolls a piece of paper and inhaling the powder through his nose. The effects are instantaneous as he feels the slight sting it leaves his nostrils down his throat.

He could immediately taste it; numbing the pain, numbing his mind and halting the horrifying thoughts from flashing in front of his closed eyes again. Mark starts to laugh then, appreciating the kaleidoscope of colors bursting behind his closed eyelids like fireworks.

Mark knows he has to face his demons and stop running, but who was he kidding? He’s to coward to face any of that. He's still too small to go back and deal with all of that.

So he opted to stay away for a little while, giggling and staring at nothing in particular before sleep pulled him down and got him to finally rest his weary mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to be honest with you, I know nothing about the College System in Korea. If there are any inconsistencies, my apologies. Hahaha! Just let it slide and let's just pretend that's how it goes.
> 
> Thank you for reading this!
> 
> Xoxo,  
> A


	3. Three: The Proposition

**J A E B U M**

_Click_

_Snap_

_Click_

"Jaebum-ssi!"

_Snap_

"Jaebum-ssi, is it true..."

_Click_

"What can you say about your father’s..."

_Snap_

"Hey, Jaebum-ssi!"

_Click_

"Jaebum-ssi, your grandfather has..."

_Snap_

"Your father was seen..."

_Click_

"Jaebum, what's your comment on..."

_Snap_

"Jaebum..."

Jaebum's life has been a series of cameras clicking and flashing and scandals spewing out of nowhere that situations where reporters were hovering all around him wasn't a new thing anymore. The usual faces he sees when a scandal breaks out about his family were present, asking the same stupid questions they knew he'll only answer with a ' _no comment_ ', like a pro.

Twenty years of saying the same thing when asked, whoever he or she was, will do that to anyone. It has been ingrained on him that he thinks he owned the phrase already. He sometimes thinks that he should have taken it as a trademark or something, if he still hasn't.

_I didn't even know why they're still asking about my opinion. We've been doing this for years, haven't I made it clear? I. Don't. Fucking. Care._

If it wouldn't make Jaebum's father go ballistic and his mom a ball of tears because it'll be scandalous, (Oh, the irony) he would have said the exact phrase as soon as he has been asked for what he thinks about anyone's business.

It's hard holding back, really.

"Excuse me, Sir, your dad called and he wants you to go to your rest house in Ilsan," Chanwoo, his driver and body guard tells him when they both got in the car.

His tired body protested as soon as he heard it considering that he's in Seoul and his dad wanted him to go to for a three hour drive.

He quickly looks at the dashboard for the clock and sees that it is five o'clock in the afternoon, which means rush hour.

I will be heading down to hell with this bloody Korean traffic.

"Has he told you why?" he asks the driver through gritted teeth, wishing it's just one of his dad's mundane invitations that he can easily dodge.

Chanwoo glances at him through the rear view mirror apologetically. "Sorry, Sir, he didn't. But I heard your _harabeoji_ is there."

_Oh fuck! This is a lost case. I couldn't say no now 'cause I won't hear the end of this._

_Harabeoji’s here. He's back._

"Shit! Alright, hyung, let's head to Ilsan now,” Jaebum mutters in panic, feeling his chest constricting with worry.

Understanding the situation, his driver heads straight into the highway like a daredevil's behind them.

Left with nothing to do but watch his surroundings in a haze, Jaebum opts to take a nap and forget the things on his mind, specifically the echoes of his anxiety.

_My grandfather’s here. The devil himself is here._

"Jaebum, oh my baby! Finally!" Jaebum hears his mother's voice say, as soon as he steps out of the car. Her soft voice, that's both calming and familiar, feels like an embrace to his tiring day.

It's been months since he has last seen her, before she and his father went on a tour in the Caribbean. A birthday gift of his dad to his mom.

Now that he has thought about it, she sent a huge box of souvenirs, which he had yet opened. It’s still piled up somewhere in his loft, maybe lost in between his clothes that are strewn all over the place and other clutter he's too lazy to clean.

_I need to sort it out soon before it goes bad again, like what happened to those mooncakes she sent me last year_ , he thinks wistfully, still traumatized by the amount of molds he had to scrape out his apartment floor.

"I thought you've decided not to come," his mom says, as she straightens out his shirt that's got creased a bit from sitting too long. "Wasn't traffic too congested today?"

Seeing her clearly, Jaebum notices that she's in her usual made-up glory, shining like the well known Korean veteran actress that she is. Even on normal occasions, his mother, Im Miyoung is wearing _Giorgio Armani, Christian Louboutin_ and _Cartier_ like casual wear.

She's a woman of elegance and class, as what Vogue magazine labeled her last season when they put her as their cover. And her only son, Im Jaebum couldn't agree more since she’s always graceful and dolled up.

"I'm sure you got stuck in traffic," the said woman comments, fussing on Jaebum’s hair and shirt.

"Just before we could get out of Seoul,” he tells his mother, leaning closer to her so she could put off his earrings one by one. “But just right after we’re out of the city, everything had been fine.”

“That is why I told your dad to not ask you to come here! And I was about to call you and cancel, but then _ahjumma_ said you're here and I can no longer tell you to stay at your place. By the way, have you eaten?" she asked him as they walk towards the front porch, where people were milling around, most of them smoking and talking.

Jaebum’s mother is a huge fan of eco-friendly-organic-shits-and-whatnots. So, damaging the air and ozone layer by smoking? Not a way to get in her good graces. Hence, the huge crowd of smokers doing their business outside. 

Smoke couldn't penetrate her favorite _Louis Vuitton_ sofa.

He opened the door for his mom and let her get in first, as his eyes instantaneously scanned for his grandfather right away.

" _Adeul_? I was asking if you have eaten already?" Jaebum’s mother asks again, her eyes knowingly gazing through him.

"I haven't," he said nonchalantly. "The moment I got out of campus, dad called Chanwoo hyung and asked to bring me here."

"I see. There's still tons of food at the buffet table, so go get your plate. My goodness, Jaebum-ah. I'm sorry if we had to make you come all the way here so sudden. I don't even know why you're dad's too worried. _Appa_ just went back to the country and he's already going crazy," she murmurs irritably. Jaebum can't help but snicker. 

_That's so typical._

His grandfather will just barge in whenever and whatever time he wanted. Jaebum actually thinks his grandfather gets cheap thrills from his children's anxieties.

Such a grade A asshole.

"It's okay, _eomma_. If I hadn't come, I won't hear the end of this, right? _Appa_ will nag me about it for days, so it's better to just follow what he wants," he says, looking at her knowingly.

She just smiled and nods her head because they both know how his dad can be when it came to his grandfather. His dad is his grandfather's pet. 

_They're both psychotic_ , he thinks.

"Just promise me, Jaebum, don't—" his mom says warningly.

"I know, _eomma_ ," Jaebum mutters, cutting her off.

"No, please listen to me, Jaebum. Behave. The last time you talked to your _harabeoji_ , he almost got a heart attack. Be gentle on him even when you feel like lashing out. He's still your grandfather," sighing audibly, she adds, "Your dad's siblings will make a big deal out of it if you cause trouble again."

"But, _eomma_ —"

"Jaebum..." Miyoung’s voice turns to steel then, bargaining no argument and that tamps down any rebuttals Jaebum has. He just sighs deeply.

"Fine, okay, fine I will," he replies, not really thrilled by the idea of kissing ass tonight.

" _That's what I am telling you, Dae-jung. Those illegal settlers in your area should be thrown out! They're a bunch of eyesore. The Prime Minister of Canada will visit this week and it’s going to be a huge embarrassment for the country._ ”

_And speaking of the devil._

His hoarse voice reverberates on the walls of the house, piercing through Jaebum’s ears like a hot branding iron. Even at the distance, he can see his grandfather’s tall frame, hunching a bit while talking to his friends. He's still carrying his god forsaken staff that he often uses to hit someone rather than help him walk straight.

_Damn. He's old._

However, as hard it was for him to admit it himself, the wrinkles on his grandfather’s face didn't take away much of his sharp features and annoyingly handsome looks. In fact, he's even rocking that white hair better than Hugh Hefner, his ancestors gifting him with milky complexion and pointed nose.

Such a lucky sonofabitch.

There's no mistaking that his grandfather is one of the most powerful Korean men that has ever lived. And as a former Prime Minister of this country, it's funny to see that he chuckles like a typical old man.

"Oh, finally! He's here! There is my favorite grandson," he announces happily after noticing Jaebum standing at the foyer with his mom. Excusing himself from his friends, he then walks towards Jaebum, arms wide.

Jaebum feels his mom's hand tighten around his arm, probably reminding him to keep his mouth shut... or at least in talking back rudely to his grandfather.

"Jaebum, _sonja_ ," the old man greets, teeth showing like fake jewels.

" _Harabeoji_ , how’s New Zealand? Found any cow's milk?" he asks, bowing his head as low as he could in front of the old man, internally wanting to barf at his lame attempt of showing respect.

His grandfather eyes him curiously as he stands awkwardly, waiting for the lashes of insults to come but all his grandfather did is to chuckle, confusing the heck out of him. "I stayed at the city, Jaebum-ah, all I saw were ladies clad in cows' skin." Jaebum forced a smile, not getting the joke at all. His grandfather by then glances at his mother, eyeing her under his scrutinizing eyes, so hard it could have blown Jaebum’s mother away. "You should try going there sometime, Minyoung-ah. Good food."

"I will, _appa_. Maybe in Christmas break," she replies softly, her voice patronizing.

"Good. Good. How about you, Jaebum-ah? What are you up to these days? How's school?" The old man’s eyes goes back to him, staring at him deeply with his sharp eyes, folding his hands on top of his staff, as Jaebum’s skin prickles by his piercing glance.

The younger pauses and thinks hard about the loaded question asked from him. What his grandfather asked was obviously a trick question. He wanted Jaebum to answer how he’s really doing at school and when he did his grandfather will attack him mercilessly. But if Jaebum stayed quiet, he'll assume he's finally listening to what he wanted.

_There’s no winning this conversation_ , Jaebum thinks.

Realizing he won't answer, his grandfather takes the other way and asked him directly instead.

"Any luck in entering Seoul National University next school year? I'm sure they'll take in transferees. I can tell Dean Chaeyoung to squeeze you in. She and I are close.”

Jaebum gulps, fighting the urge to scream.

That was what he was afraid of, that very sensitive issue that no matter how many times they talked about, his grandfather and him always end up in shambles.

_Fuck. This is gonna be ugly_ , he thinks regretfully.

" _Harabeoji_ , you know how I always dreamed of going to Dresden University. They have the best program for Multimedia Arts. And... And although, Seoul National University is great, it's not for me," he says, jaw tensing. His mom's hand tightens around his arm again, reminding him of the promise.

The old man’s eyes harden and he can see him balling his fist. "Hmm, I see you still haven't figured it out. Still stubborn in making money with that useless camera of yours, huh?" he sneers, his voice laced with disgust. "Film and music are hobbies, Jaebum. Those are for boys. But real men? They do politics, public service. Find something sensible to do with your life instead of taking photos and plucking your guitar strings like a blind man."

Jaebum feels his temple pulse and he forgotten how to keep his mouth shut.

_Sorry, eomma. At least I tried_ , he thinks deeply.

"I don't need to make money out of it, _harabeoji_ , 'cause I have enough of that from _appa's_ corruption schemes. You see, I already have a lifetime support," he answers and hears his mom gasp beside him.

She squeezes his arm even tighter as if saying, _stop it_. But his grandfather has put him in a position wherein he just cannot easily get away from again. He always leave scathed and bruised after talking to him; that the need to defend himself was already innate.

Unexpectedly though, his grandfather laughs at him as he pats his shoulder. It didn't make the Jaebum feel better, instead he felt nervous.

"You have one funny kid here, Miyoung-ah. I wonder where he got that sharp tongue from," he tells his mom, his tone sarcastic and mocking.

He feels his mom sigh deeply beside him, bowing her head a bit from (probably) shame of having such a son. A non-conformist. Rebellious. Disobedient. Directionless.

_Shit_.

Glancing back at Jaebum, his grandfather says, "Well, good luck on your pursuit of change through film and music. I hope you don't waste your father's _hard earned_ money with your blind ideas." And then he was gone. He walks away from them like he had completed his mission in making one person's night miserable.

_Such an asshole_.

 

***

 

**M A R K**

Every day, for the past year, there were only three things Mark enjoys; his course, the free indie music he’s privileged to listen to everyday and the free coffee. The rest of the in between are treated as nuisances and things he needs to tolerate, at least to find some semblance of normalcy. Mark was never a people person, in fact, he hates it when strangers linger longer than necessary when they ask for a certain vinyl record or if they ask for his recommendation of good music that just came out. Which baffles him because there is a recommendation corner in Wanderlust for a reason. To strike a simple conversation or to prove that they really are a bunch of idiots is beyond Mark. He wouldn't dwell too much on it, so long as they leave him alone after he points it out to them. Aside from the trivial things Mark pettily hates, he’s living okay. Not good or great but _okay_.

He stares too long at the cover of a Phoenix vinyl record he’s stacking up on the shelves, dissecting the meaning of the peach and flower drawing when the sound of the chimes attached to the front door jingled, alerting him that a customer just entered the store.

He glances at his watch and realized that it's just a few minutes until 10PM, and he’ll need to close soon.

_After this customer_ , he says quietly, turning around after he schooled his face into a decent smile—which basically is just a grimace.

His body protests at each movement, the other day’s stint still ingrained in his limbs and aching muscles. The bruises on his body are mostly concealed by his clothes, aching but tolerable as he moves and walks. Except for the marks on his wrist, Mark looked normal—anyone wouldn’t suspect that just the other night he got fucked raw by some nameless horny man needing some release from a willing body.

That morning Mark woke up with a cloudy mind, temples throbbing terribly from the effects of the snow he took the other night. Even with the pain in his head and whole body, he managed to get up from his sweat-drenched bed and went to school like a normal student, eyes covered by his tinted glasses to hide his pain and back plastered with medicated patches to ease the strain he could feel when he moves.

That afternoon before going to work, Mark paid for his tuition, sighing deeply in relief when he sees that only half is needed and he’ll be able to get that diploma he’s craving for. He mentally calculates his expenses for the next few days and realized that he’s still short by a few bucks. _Good god, I couldn’t take going back there anymore,_ he thinks, closing his eyes momentarily before glancing towards the door.

Whatever thoughts he has, come to a quick halt when he takes a good look at the person standing at the entrance of Wanderlust.

A cluster of unwanted emotions flooded back into his chest. The person responsible for him zoning out more than the average per day and almost getting him run over by a car this morning when he remembers the skillful hands and dark orbs that seems to be looking not just at him but his soul, is standing right there, looking as pristine and well kept as ever, in a rugged type of way, if that is even possible.

_But it is possible in him._

_Fuck_.

"Hi," he says, his voice so familiar as it left his lips. Last week's first meeting flashes back into Mark’s mind, like it repeatedly had for the past seven days.

Mark felt the vibration of his voice caressing his skin, goosebumps awakening at its touch. The effort, (which he worked on for a whole week), to be unaffected by Jaebum, crumbles down as if they're Lego blocks, turning to dust as it hits the ground.

_Well, there goes everything I worked hard for_ , Mark notes mentally.

He tried forgetting him, he really did. After the night he spent with Jaebum, he tried his best to divert all of his attention to school and work, emerging himself to more important things. There are bills to pay, rent that’s a few months late and invoices for Wanderlust that needs to be accounted for. Also, there’s his academics he needs to keep stellar, holding on to his education, hoping it’ll help savage his miserable life. There are so many things that needs to be tended for, but apart from all of this, what Mark needs the most is his sanity. He needs his peaceful life back.

_The life he snatches away from me, sadly._

A rational part of him reasons out that maybe he’s just drawn to the guy. Jaebum is no doubt different and he's hot as hell. If his arrogant handsome face isn't enough indication. Yes, given, Mark has seen good looking guys before, far better ones from his own school alone but the _attra_ —no, scratch that, the tension he felt for the bad boy standing a few feet away from him is palpable, he could almost swallow it.

And now the petty part of him hates Jaebum for the same reason. He hates that he has these thoughts about the other boy. He hates how he unhinged Mark from his comfort zones and disrupts his _usual_. Mark isn't really good with change and uncharted territories. He’d rather stay and grovel than risk being exposed to things that can inflict pain.

_If he wants a repeat of last Friday, he's hoping for nothing_ , Mark ruefully thinks. As much as he enjoyed his time with Jaebum, he’s not a fan of the chaos the other boy leaves behind his emotions. As much as possible he wants to keep a far distance from Jaebum, both literally and figuratively speaking.

“So… uhm... you work here?” the said boy awkwardly starts to say, fiddling with the end of a Frank Sinatra record near him. Mark mentally cringe at the scratches it might leave the flimsy material and chooses to nod his instead.

“Yes, as you can see.”

He sees Jaebum flinch at his sarcasm, cheeks adorably coloring from embarrassment. Mark admonishes his mind that thinks the other boy’s _cute_.

_He’s not cute. Stop being so damn soft, Tuan_.

An awkward pause enveloped them next, the empty spaces between them being filled up only by their nervous breaths, as their eyes avoid gazing each other. The way they interact now is totally different from how they were the other week, where their bravery was laced up with liquid courage and lust. Their synchronized actions were replaced by uncomfortable hands and feet. Right now, all Mark has is the excuse of work to dodge Jaebum's fleeting gazes; those gazes that examines deeply, drilling under the surface of what he’s trying to project.

"I'm guessing Nikki told you I work here?" Mark asks him, distracting his thoughts from going overdrive by the question. He left a hint of accusation in his voice for Jaebum to pick on and he knew the answer when a slight cringe marred the other boy’s beautiful face.

"Uh... she told me not to tell you but I guess that's pretty obvious, huh?" he replies, chuckling lightly as he picks up random records from the shelves, looking nonchalant and unnerved by the whole situation. Suddenly, his face lit up like an idea occurred to him. "Wait, you knew Nikki would tell me you work here... I—how'd you know she would tell me?"

"Because she's my annoying best friend who sets me up with everybody from Dresden," Mark explains, exasperation lacing his voice and when he realizes his slip up, he clears his throat to bring back the level of indifference he wants to project at Jaebum. "And I learned from her that you and Jackson are friends. So... I figured she will do this. Took her a long time to actually act on it, I'm surprised."

"Oh! If it's any consolation, I was busy with school projects and we only have been officially introduced yesterday by Jackson."

"I see. So, you've seen them bickering like an old married couple?" Mark can’t help but ask, smirking.

At this Jaebum laughs, a deep bark that must have been coming from his stomach. _Cute_. "Have you been hanging around them a lot? Those two can be really tiring to look at."

Mark rolls his eyes. "I've seen worse. Those two can be quite a handful.”

“I agree,” Jaebum says, smiling brightly as he looks around the place.

Mark's eyes silently follow his movements, studying the other boy’s face in the harsh light for the first time.

_Good god, he looks more handsome in bright light_.

"This is such a… _nice_ place. I didn’t know this even exist. How long have you been working here?" Jaebum inquires, a genuine streak of interest evident on his face as he glances back at Mark, catching the latter’s eyes already on him.

Mark feels a surge of emotion he can't explain fill his stomach and sucks all the air on his lungs. He doesn't know why Jaebum’s sudden interest at him makes him feel queasy, but it did and it scares him.

"A year ago," he quietly replies, a bit proud of himself that he kept his voice steady and uninterested when in reality he is anything but. He pretends to be busy by stashing records on shelves, putting considerable distance between him and the other boy in the process.

Jaebum steps towards the “Used Vinyl” shelf, browsing through the records and looking genuinely interested. Mark, steps out of the “Pop Rock” shelf since that’s beside the shelf Jaebum’s at.

“Cool! Uhm... so you like music?” he lamely starts to ask again, continuing with small talk that Mark doesn’t know if he wants to let up.

“Yeah, I do,” he shrugs, eyes trained on the task at hand, openly ignoring the beautiful brooding male not too far from him.

"Okay... I uhh..." Jaebum trails off, eyes panicking as he looks around, picking up the record closest to him, feigning interest. "That—that’s cool..."

"Are you looking for a certain record? I can help you pick up something" he asks, keeping his hands busy to hide how much it is shaking. Mark just hopes Jaebum didn't notice or else his taunting him will be put to waste. "I'm about to close but if you want to look around. I can give you a few more minutes."

"No," he cuts off immediately, startling Mark. "I... I will be leaving," he hurriedly adds, putting back the Pansy Division vinyl he unconsciously picked up moments ago. Slowly glancing back at him, he says, "I'm sorry to bother you. I will... uhm... go now. Nice seeing you again. Bye, Mark."

"Oh. Okay. Bye," he says in a whisper, almost silent, disappointment filling his clusterfucked mind.

_That was unbelievably anticlimactic_ , he realizes, watching Jaebum’s wide shoulders walking away.

The sound of the bells ring again, indicating Jaebum's sudden exit, leaving trails of his destruction on Mark's sanctuary. As if on cue, an offensive feeling assaulted his chest, restricting oxygen to flow back into his airways, lead settling at the bottom of his stomach. It's a feeling he only felt a handful in his life and one that he doesn't like looking back into. He hates it, how his chest hollows and his lungs gasps for air. How a huge lump forms on his throat, making him want to shout and scream from the non existent weight building up inside his body. He blinks back the unshed tears and shakes his head in the hopes of erasing the feeling overwhelming his body.

He doesn't know why he feels like an ass for keeping the facade in front of Jaebum. All he wants is to keep himself from the unknown and confusing feelings the other boy elicits. _Is that a bad thing?_ It wasn't his fault he doesn't trust people easily and keep them at arms length.

Sometimes, it is better that way so he won't get scathed from the aftermath of one that can be prevented in the first place.

"Get a grip, Mark. Don't be foolish," he says under his breath, psyching up to get over the feeling of desertedness and longing.

With heavy limbs, he walks towards the door, flipping the sign from _Open_ to _Closed_ , not wanting anymore customer to deal with as he tries to tidy up so he could go home. Mark approaches the counter, cleaning up the few clutter he made earlier today. Seeing his phone sitting on top of the counter, he snatches it fast and types a quick text to Nikki.

To: Nikolei Mosqueda  
From: Mark Tuan  
You freaking traitorous bitch!!! Why'd you tell him I work here????

It isn't long when his phone pinged, indicating a new text.

From: Nikolei Mosqueda  
To: Mark Tuan  
Well, well, well. Look who suddenly learns how to text. I'm so proud of you. If I knew Jaebum can make you text like this, I should have set you up with him months ago.

Mark resists the urge to throw his phone in frustration, instead he types back another text to Nikki.

To: Nikolei Mosqueda  
From: Mark Tuan  
That’s such a douche move, Niks. You know how I felt around the guy. I don't want to see him again!

From: Nikolei Mosqueda  
To: Mark Tuan  
You're being dramatic. Just give it a try. You're such a recluse.

Mark rolls his eyes at that. _No shit_.

To: Nikolei Mosqueda  
From: Mark Tuan  
I'm unfriending you.

From: Nikolei Mosqueda  
To: Mark Tuan  
You are the sweetest. I love you too... and you're welcome! xoxo

Mark slams his phone on the counter, taking deep breaths to calm his nerves. Sometimes he doesn't even know why he still keeps Nikki, when most of the time he wants to kill her and quarter of the remaining time he just feels exasperated being with her. His overbearing friend can be smothering, and even though he appreciates his best friend’s concern, this one with Jaebum is just too much.

The sound of the bells interrupts his thoughts again, halting his homicide mission set for Nikki.

"Sorry, we're clos—"

"Be my _muse_!" Jaebum cuts off, breaths coming off as short pants while his hair’s a bit messed up probably from the wind outside. His slanted dark eyes immobilize Mark on his spot, as they look determined and sure, gone were the hesitations in his dark orbs as Jaebum stomps his way towards him.

Blinking, the latter just looks back at him with a confused daze, grounding himself with the counter.

"Huh? What?"

"Be my muse! I—I need to conduct an exhibit by the end of this term and I want you to be my muse," he recites, the words obviously rehearsed, like he practiced it so many times it already sounds robotic.

Mark furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"Exhibit? Muse?" Mark repeats dumbly, stifling a gasp at the realization of Jaebum's words.

He nods his head, eyes alert. "Yes, a muse for a photo exhibit."

_What the actual fuck?_

If there is one thing Mark has a hard time doing, it is having his photos taken. Even as a child, he’s never been comfortable in front of the offensive lenses. He feels it choking him with his insecurities and self doubts, the scrutiny too much for his fagile ego.

"No," he instantly answers, his voice hoarse and meek. He notices Jaebum's shoulder slump in defeat for a millisecond before it rose up in determination again. Mark clears his throat and tries again whilst gazing back at the other boy’s dark eyes, "I'm sorry but I can't help you with that. Find someone else."

"But—"

"No, Jaebum, sorry. But I can't." 

"Mark, wait," he begs, knuckles turning white as he grips the counter across Mark; he seems to be on the verge of taking his arm to keep him in place, afraid he’ll run away. "Look, I won't ask for too much. Just a bunch of photos. You don't have to act different, you just have to be you and I will just take photos of that," Jaebum tries to explain, his tone passionate and pleading.

Mark feels another attack coming, driving him to step out of the counter to find air and space.

_He's crowding me... it's too much, too much, too much._

"I... I can't,” he refuses once more, confusion marring his face. “And... why me? Can’t you just get somebody else?" he whispers, amidst his heavy breathing.

Jaebum shakes his head fervently, lips pursing tightly. "My mind is set on you already."

"You're crazy! Absolutely out of your mind.” Mark walks over the door, fumbling for the light switch. “What is it about anyway? Strangers who decorated your bed or something like that?" he asks, propriety leaving his senses. He sees Jaebum's jaw clench in offense before the place was blanketed by the dark, save it for the light outside seeping from the glass windows that illuminates Jaebum's sharp features.

"No. Beauty. That's my concept,” Jaebum continues to say in the dark, following Mark as he steps outside.

Mark immediately scoffs, disbelieving he’ll be categorized into such group while he proceeds to lock the doors of Wanderlust. "You want me to be your muse for a photoshoot about beauty? Are you fucking insane?"

"No. You're pretty much who I picture in my head when that idea came to me. I really want you.”

"And I really can't do it. I'm not beautiful. I'm sorry," Mark says, voice hard, avoiding the gaze directed at him.

"What are you saying? You are beautifu—"

"Save it, Jaebum,” he cuts off, the keys on his hand jingling with the action. “I don't need the uplifting talk right now. I said I can't do it."

"But... okay. Look, Mark, if you are nervous about the whole thing, I promise, I will take care of you. We won't start until you feel comfortable. We will stop whenever you feel like it. I won't tell you what to do, you just do what you want and forget about me being there. I will do everything you want, just say yes."

Mark laughs mirthlessly, feeling the stress from his week coming back in full force, turning him a bit manic. This is one weird proposition he’s hearing and if it wasn't about getting his photos taken, he’d think Jaebum's convincing him to do something that involved _fucking_.

_How romantic._

"Do everything? What like pay me a huge chunk of money because you're filthy rich?" he asks, his voice laced thick with sarcasm. The chuckle he was about to let out was stuck in his throat after seeing Jaebum's unchanging serious expression.

"Will that convince you? Will that make you say yes because heaven knows I will do everything just so I can get a yes from you," he says, looking right through Mark’s eyes, seemingly seeing who and what he really is.

_No. I won’t sell myself to you as well._ Mark thinks ruefully, eyes turning sad as he glances at the other boy’s handsome face, pleading while it’s bathed in the soft light of the lamp post just a few meters away.

He knows it was stupid to say no to Jaebum when clearly the other boy’s willing to give him any amount of payment for just few measly photos. Mark’s short in his money for this month and he still doesn’t know where he could get the extra cash. Accepting the offer does sound like a very good idea, but as much as Jaebum’s sweet admission made a herd of butterflies in his stomach to wreak havoc and how sound the offer is, Mark just couldn’t walk past his inhibitions and self doubts. He grew up with those beliefs that eventually got ingrained deeply into the recesses of his mind, had to deal with it for years until he was finally cut off from his mother and gotten exiled in this country halfway across his birthland. He knows it was his fault and he’s still out here paying for the consequences for almost seven years now, Mark actually thinks this is really his lot in life.

He’ll always got to grovel.

So no matter how tempting Jaebum’s proposition is, Mark just wouldn’t take it—couldn’t take it.

He puts back his gaze on Jaebum again, showing him his sincerest regret as he shakes his head once more. The other boy looks like he’s about to try to convince him again, but quickly pulled back and nods his head in defeat.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… not me. Find somebody else.”

“I understand,” he says, forlorn and totally disappointed. “Well, if ever you changed your mind, you know where to find me. See you around, Mark,” Jaebum gives him a small smile before bowing slightly and turning around, walking towards a sleek car parked across the street.

Mark, quite dumbfounded, stares at Jaebum’s retreating form once again, oddly feeling bothered by it. He didn’t know where it was coming from, the desire to hold on to the other boy’s body and feel his warmth against his. Mark almost calls his name, agree to his terms and hope to see that bright smile again.

However, Mark stayed rooted on his spot, still convincing himself that what he did was right and that the heaviness on his chest was just the aftermath of his almost-panic attack and not the guilt of driving away Jaebum when clearly he made a huge effort of seeking him out.

_Idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anything about the Korean government and the things I am writing here are mostly from very little research I did on the internet. Any inconsistencies are merely fictional. So let's make believe it's like that. LOL
> 
> Also, Dresden University is obviously a made up school in Korea.
> 
> I still want to continue thanking you guys for supporting my works. *whispers* thank you.
> 
> I know I need a lot of improvements because I'm still lacking, but like what GOT7 used to say; I want you to know that I will work hard and practice until I am the better version of me.
> 
> Reach for your dreams, my loves.
> 
> Xoxo  
> A


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